Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
