what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
