bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
