Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
