I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
