I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
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