I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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