Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
