i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
