hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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