What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She's the barista slut.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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