everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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