Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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