Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
