It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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