hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
