My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
