You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
