I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
