If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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