i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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