My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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