You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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