i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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