hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
