you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
