maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
