What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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