I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
