I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
