i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sext me about skeletons
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
