My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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