Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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