I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
