I wish my penis had an off switch
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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