Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
