i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
