whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
