Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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