So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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