What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize