Will you blow on my dice?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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