You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
