awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
