we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
