I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
