we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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