I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
