They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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