We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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