just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
