im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
