I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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