I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
