she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
