let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
