Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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