Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
