his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
