over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
