I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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