i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
