i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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