i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
