considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
