i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
