I'm pants shitting drunk right now
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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