areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
