Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize