Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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