Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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