I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
this boner is exhausting
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
