someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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