I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
